Wasn’t Her Best-Friend
When I was younger, I learned a harsh lesson about the so-called best-friend relationships. I had a best friend who I was extremely close to; we had gotten so close to the point I didn’t want to see her leave when it was time for her to go back to her country. She was supposed to go back to her country, and because of this, I told my friend that my mom said she could live with me. Mind you, I never got around to asking my mom; I kind of forgot. So one day she showed up at my doorstep with all her luggage and was ready to live with me for the remaining semester. Thankfully, my mother was comfortable with this; she agreed on the spot to take the responsibility of taking care of other people's children. Till this day, I don’t know why she agreed; she probably could see how important it was to me and liked my friend.
Anyway, it was perfect for me because we were best friends, and it meant spending more time together and having more fun. We ate together, went to school together, and got parented together. We were living the life. Eventually, this best friend left, and so did some of her comments. These comments I had casually noticed before and didn't think much of came back to haunt me
When she came back a couple of years later, we planned to take a vacation together. Well, things did not work out as planned, and we ended up not going on this vacation. But during this time, she expressed herself a lot; perhaps the trip disappointment helped her release this steam. She made it her duty to let me know about her real best friend. She talked about how much she missed her and how she would just love to go back so they could do this and that. She spoke about all the things they had done together and what they would be doing. Not to mention countless memories with her; I listened while I rolled my eyes. I sat there like, “Am I a grain of rice?” “Haven’t I had fun moments with you, geez, chill, it's one failed trip.”
I felt so disappointed in this person. I also had other close friends that I did fun stuff with, types of fun that I had never had with her. But I never made it a point to use it against her or make her feel like she wasn’t cutting it. I honestly felt like, “Ya, you can go, girl, enough.” She had done this before she left when we were younger, but this time, I was more cognizant and paid more attention to words. In those moments, my feelings were hurt because I was like, “Well dang girl, you need to catch a flight and go to your best friend then. So you don’t burst open or something.” “After everything, we had been through and everything I had done for her, shared my room and my imported chicken nuggets,” I thought as a young child.
When my rage subsided, I reflected on the situation and realized I was no longer angry. It was clear despite our history and her living with me, I was not her best friend. Like I literally never was. Someone else was, so we just called each other best friends for fun. It really morphed how I looked at best-friend relationships and caused me to limit my hand when giving in relationships. That included my heart, my mind, etc. As time went on, I could see that we would have not ended up as best friends anyway but probably would have grown out of it. ‘Friends’ was a more befitting title if anything. So it was ok. That other person might just be that much better for them. So if you find yourself in a situation like this, it's best to just accept it; I’m glad I did. Because it allowed me not to have any ill feelings, and most importantly, it was the truth.
I can't tell you how many times I have spoken to people who have been through situations like this and won't let go of the hurt. The best you can do is remove yourself and be content with yourself; not everyone gets a best friend. This happened when we were kids so if she ever reads this, I am not mad. I am just describing a moment in time. I have no ill feelings towards this person; it is just a story and a lesson. It builds character, lol.