Seasonal Friends

I think you shouldn't shy away from seasonal friends. Oftentimes we try to force someone into a new season with us and they just don't belong there. I have done this many times and have always failed. Some people are just for a good time and not a long time, the older you get you realize this. I'm at a point in my life where I actually prefer acquaintances to actual friendships. I see no reason to give more to a situation than the situation is actually worth. We're always trying to make connections with people whom we don't necessarily even fit in with.

I like knowing that when I go out for drinks, I'm hanging out with so and so just for that. I like knowing that when it comes to work, they are just my associates nothing more. I like knowing that the conversations I have on my daily walks in the park with certain people, doesn’t equate to friendship. In the moment, we aid each other with what is required and then we fall back to our individual lives. This makes room for actual friends; it helps you really keep your boundaries up. So you don't put misplaced trust or support with people.

I had this friend I often drank with, that’s actually all we ever did. We just had drinks together. In that phase of my life, I wanted to go out for drinks and ignore everything after 6 pm. We eventually started getting a little personal and started to learn more about each other's political views and morals. I ignored a lot of things that she said. She was a bit racist, xenophobic, and made bad decisions. She constantly had something to say about everyone we bumped into.

And when I would express to her, how unnecessary her comments were. She would express her anger like she had been attacked. I tried not to think too much about it because I'd made my own bad decisions and who was I to judge? I started making more plans and trying to involve this person in my life. Even when I moved an hour away from her, I thought how could I put this person into my new life? But every time I pulled towards her, she pulled away. The ridiculous part about that scenario was, she made the first inquiries about staying connected. When I noticed that she was not being honest and probably was just talking in the moment, I fell back.  

She didn’t have any significance in my life, in fact, I was the fun one. But what she did do for me in those moments, was give me someone to talk to and drink with. I am so glad I am more mature now and I am just fine with the position she played in my life. In the past, it would have bothered me a bit, cheers to growing up. Never force things and allow people to come in and out of your life, you are the only situation stationary in your life. Until you find your actual community that is.

Mary