I Feel Left Behind

I feel like I'm behind. Behind in life, behind in a successful career, and behind my peers. I have a lot of patience, so at first, it was not eating me up. Now it is. I can't help but compare myself to other people and their circumstances. The life I have been given has been way too difficult. I handle it well but it's exhausting and frankly, I don't think anyone knows how much I've really been through. That’s because when they see me, I am always smiling. But now healing from these horrendous traumas and trying to catch up has really shaken me. I know to give myself grace because I am not in competition with anyone, but the problem is that I have high standards for myself. Despite what I've been through in life. I am really a go-getter.

 I also don't have that many friends anymore, so when I see people post on IG it makes me sad a little bit. On the flip side of that, I'm introverted, so I don't really want to go out. I just wanna know I have the option to go out. It's a dance I keep doing with myself. All over TikTok, everyone is talking about how in your mid-20s you suffer from loneliness. They are so right! It's not the type of loneliness you would expect. It's a different type, college gave us a little bit of structure and a place where you would see familiar faces all the time. You could still rely on real adults to help you out. Now I am supposed to be that for myself. I work from home, and I am introverted, where do I go? Who do I hang out with?

Although my life is peaceful, it's kind of boring. But I guess I prefer being bored, I rather not force myself to talk to people I don’t like. I honestly don't know how to explain my emotions. Everyone is getting married, everyone is in a great position in their career, and everyone has children. But I am just rebuilding my life and trying to grasp what has happened to me. How do I build while the world moves on without me?

 Anonymous