Butterfly Emotions

I was on TikTok, and I saw a girl talking about never picking a partner that gives you butterflies. I agree. I heard about this three years ago. Let me tell you why: if you grow up in a dysfunctional household, you typically will naturally pick people who have the same traits that came from your household unconsciously. You are not feeling butterflies; you are just familiar with hell. It’s all you know, and that’s why your body is reacting that way. You will typically not go for what feels uncomfortable; ironically, that is what you should venture into because it's unfamiliar to you; it should be the opposite of what you know; what you know is trash. I prefer when everything feels solid and 'boring.' I personally do not like drama in any situation, certainly not with anyone that I am intimate with romantically or platonically. The more we fight, the less I like the person because I have found, in my experience, that most of the disagreements are based on major character flaws. I am not going to be overlooking those things forever, and I will simply pack my bags and go. When I was really young, I never gave chances. For the first two years of my college experience, I ventured into giving chances to people. Never again. I will stick to my initial instinct about a person and save myself unnecessary experiences.

But that’s not what I’m here to talk about, I want to focus on friendships and leave romance in the other room. I recently just attached the same lesson to my friendships. I take friendships, especially with women seriously because I have no sisters. I only recently learned to take romantic relationships just as seriously as I do friendships. I have noticed a pattern throughout my life that I have now corrected. Most of my friendships that last are friendships that were built slowly. These friendships sometimes are long-distance, and we only see each other once in a while. Of course, not all of them, but I think it's important to mention the long-distance friendships; a little shout-out doesn't hurt. But the friendships that were a burst of sunlight in the beginning, and I was just so comfortable and myself, have all plummeted down to the depth of hell. It was like I thought I knew this person, but what I was feeling was something familiar: toxic traits that I attached to quickly and found a home in. But let me tell you why those friendships disintegrated: the blinding familiarity with their toxicity or negative traits didn't allow me time to learn this person. And as time unfolded and they revealed who they were and how they truly felt about me, I would give chances or sympathize with them (do not do this, it's really too much stress to deal with). I would find out that they were nothing like me, and their flags were red like China’s. Then I would have to play devil's advocate and wallow in the most complex cognitive dissonance. And for what? For the mere fact that you and I didn't know any better? Life is that harsh! But once you do know better and recognize what's really going on, fix it. If you're anything like me, I do not do stress, or anybody who thinks they can add stress to me. There will be no argument; I will just remove you and find peace. I don't know about you guys, but I don't have forever on this planet. I would like solid friendships and great memories. Nobody wants to be 80 talking about, 'they did me dirty.' Unlearn, cleanse yourself of that filth, and remove the stupid butterflies from your stomach.

Every time you decide to overlook it, it will bite you in the ankles like a dog: a small Chihuahua with sharp teeth. Every small problem will eventually become big. The symptoms of not being aware you are attracted to nonsense subconsciously can be vicious. You become so aggressively loyal to someone you don’t even really know. Your loyalty is based on the loyalty you have to your background and circumstances in life and familiar spirits. The only comfort those things have for you is reassured hell. Another symptom to identify that I am talking about you would be: you watch as the person you give so much to, give respect and love to another friend easily, with no fight! But there you are, still blinded, thinking there is a friendship. I hate to break it to you, but there is not. You don't even really like this person; you are just filling up space.

I had regrets about these permanent lessons that I really didn’t need to learn if I listened to my inner radar and learned to retract empathy from certain situations faster. Overunderstanding and empathizing will kill you; don't do it. That's reserved for children. It’s so easy to get carried away by that initial spark, and you swear to yourself that this is your friend. This can also happen to a person from a stable background, who encounters someone who's completely unstable and chooses to not unlearn their household. Anyone can find themselves in a situation like this. But for those who know they wouldn’t want to replicate their background in the friendships they are building for themselves, I would advise you to go with what feels unfamiliar. Make sure they have the same principles & morals as you to save yourself unnecessary stress. Who wants to have headaches from detachment and shameful self-evaluation? I say this because oftentimes we say we didn’t know, and that can be the case sometimes, but most of the time you knew. You just didn’t know how to do better, so now you do; let’s just collectively make sure we don’t repeat these mistakes and build friendships that are worth our time. Most importantly make sure to consult God, he will tell you whats really up. Xoxo.

Pearl