Fake Apologies

Have you ever had someone acknowledge what they have done to you but yet continue to do the things they apologize for? This girl I was once friends with would apologize for inappropriate behavior that she would do constantly. I would forgive her and look past it, I forgave out of love and because I truly thought she would be better. Now that I think about it, each time I forgave her, the shorter the time span would be between her backstabbing me again. I finally woke up and let this fool go. I can't even believe I tolerated someone like that, the first time I met this person she were rude. I associated the behavior with how hectic that day was. But for the majority of our friendship, she was rude to me and other people. Honestly, now I truly feel she's a loser, I wouldn't even mix with anyone who remotely reminds me of her and the lack of principles and manners she has. I make better decisions now and I'm no longer afraid to move on from people.

Almost all the dangerous life-threatening stories I could share always involved this person. She was such a bad influence in so many ways, I couldn't even see it until I was done with her. The friendship made me question myself too, what kind of person was I if I tolerated this? Unnecessary arrogance, blatant jealousy towards me and others, and a childish nature that was not cute. It felt like she was undeveloped and her critical thinking skills didn’t exist. A person with no sense of direction, who wasn't even trying to get a sense of direction. Which I hate immensely.

 I had to be honest with myself and acknowledged I condoned certain behaviors, thinking I could talk to her about it. Feeling the ick after hanging out with someone is not normal, I was constantly uncomfortable. I'm glad I cautioned myself, I didn’t have to be around people like this and learned it's not my job to change them. I think that's what it was, I was trying to change her. You can't do that. Find who's like you and move the hell on. She would apologize so many times and thank me for being such a great friend but never changed. Why even apologize?

 I mean I have a soft spot for you but I'm not stupid. Or was I stupid? Sometimes I must laugh at myself because my kindness and patience were taken for stupidity. I also forgave her when apologies weren't given! Why would I forgive someone who didn't even apologize?

 Pearl