No Defense

Am I the only one who's never been defended before? Like nobody you know defends you, not your friends, family, and sometimes not God. You always defend other people and apply your moral values to their situations. Yet nobody does that for you. People will defend around you but never you. I used to think something was wrong with me because of this issue. Now I don't care much for other people’s defense, but it still hurts a little to think about it.

This old friend of mine once defended my country but not me. She went so hard for this country that she wasn't even from. Just because she liked the culture but not once had this girl defended me, her friend from that country. I can give you countless times I had saved this girl and defended her even when she was wrong. I would save her from her own stupidity and public disgrace. So, you can imagine my shock when I saw her become animalistic over my country. But not when she heard rumors about me, she never cleared them up when given the chance. Not when some random person was trying to fight me, she seemed to not care. But I fought to defend her in a fight she started, so she would get beat up.

It just seems as though nothing defends me and what hurts more is sometimes, I don't want to pray to God because I just know he will let bad things happen. I don't defend anyone anymore, they would have had to defend me first. I do not want to experience being an anchor for anyone, who is not an anchor for me. Not being defended really fragments your mind, it's something that you question even after years. Was it because they didn't like me or was it because I'm just someone people do not want to defend? Over the years I have found people that have acted differently, I wouldn’t say they have defended me on anything, but at least they seem to get angry when bad things happen to me. What a relief, this whole time I was worth something. I was worth at least being angry for.

Anonymous